


doesn't matter if i'm not enough ('cause i'm young and in love)

by heyblue



Category: Desire & Decorum (Visual Novel)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Comfort, Dorks in Love, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Love Confessions, everything except one annabelle parsons, i haven't posted here for so long i forgot how to tag, inspired by that one balcony scene in book 1 but this happens a lot earlier than that, mc is just done with everything, taylor swift and lana del rey owns my soul now, their songs are inspirations for this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-10
Updated: 2019-04-10
Packaged: 2020-01-10 21:53:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18416597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heyblue/pseuds/heyblue
Summary: "I don't like it here," Your voice breaks and your vision blurs as the tears finally make their way out of their sockets. The place, that weeks prior was a cause of your joy, now brings you weariness.You feel so utterly defeated and Annabelle’s warm hand in your tight grip feels like a lifeline. You think about how Annabelle in general has been your lifeline your whole stay at Edgewater.And you want to cry even more because the accompanying thoughts that came with that is not kind. It stabs your heart with the kind of pain you've only experienced when your mother, then later your father, passed away.The implications of that makes fresh tears flow out of your eyes.





	doesn't matter if i'm not enough ('cause i'm young and in love)

**Author's Note:**

> hallo, how are you? so this probably sucks, but i don't care because i finally finished a story in under a month, holy mother of hades. that shouldn't even be an achievement but it is for me because i'm a professional procrastinator.
> 
> anyway, i love annabelle so much, she's such a strong and amazing angel that we should all stan. her jealousy towards prince hamid stuck with me and i was disappointed that it wasn't addressed after those scenes. so i just wanted a fic where mc reassure annabelle and they talk their feelings out, basically they just throw all their cards to the table, you know? healthy relationships are what i aspire to have in life so.
> 
> set somewhere during book 1 where they haven't talked about this 'thing' they have.
> 
> title is from the song 'love' by lana del rey

"Lady Clara, are you alright?"

You force your head to turn to the direction of the voice. Your eyes soften when you see Annabelle at the doorway of the balcony.

You take a deep breath and compose yourself, "I'm alright. I apologize for storming off like that, I only needed a breath of fresh air,” You wave her off. "You won't need to worry yourself, Annabelle."

"Of course," She replies, though her brown eyes tell you that she doesn't believe a word of that. "Would you mind if I join you then?"

You smile despite yourself, "I would never, your company is most welcome."

You don't say the things that matter. Like, how her company is the only one you look forward to in every social gathering your grandmother forces you to go. And perhaps if the heavens allow it, how friendship isn't quite the word you'd use to describe what you feel for her.

You let those words dissolve on your tongue, like you always do.

You turn back to the view of the dimly-lit estate, exhaling. She stands next to you and you have to grip the railing to keep your hand from taking hers.

A couple of minutes pass before she says anything, "You don't have to pretend, not in front of me."

Your shoulders sag and you sigh. Why does she have to be so perceptive?

"I don't- I’m not-" You try to deny, but she takes your hand and suddenly, the lie you've formulated in your mind disappears.

You feel the back of your eyes burning with tears you don't want to shed just yet, "It's just, I don't like this."

You feebly gesture to your surroundings. Annabelle doesn't question the vagueness of your statement and you have a feeling that she understands what you're trying to say.

"I don't like the parties, the competition between women to become the 'most accomplished lady' and be sold off to the first man with title who gives them attention, the suitors, Duke Richards," The name leaves a bad taste in your mouth. You despise the man and his inability to understand the word 'no'. Beside you, Annabelle stiffens at the mention of the name. You squeeze her hand and she squeeze back. "I don't like the way my grandmother dangles me in front of that wretched man like I’m some sort of mindless puppet and Countess Henrietta for trying to take my father's estate from me.

"I don't like it here," Your voice breaks and your vision blurs as the tears finally makes their way out of their sockets. The place, that weeks prior was a cause of your joy, now brings you weariness.

You feel so utterly defeated and Annabelle’s warm hand in your tight grip feels like a lifeline. You think about how Annabelle in general has been your lifeline your whole stay at Edgewater.

And you want to cry even more because the accompanying thoughts that came with that is not kind. It stabs your heart with the kind of pain you've only experienced when your mother, then later your father, passed away.

The implications of that makes fresh tears flow out of your eyes.

Annabelle has been quiet this whole time and you don't know what to think of that.

Finally, she speaks, "You don't like anything here?" She says in a quiet, horrified voice, as if she can't believe she didn't know.

"In all honesty, there's been only one good thing about this whole ordeal," You reply and you can hear your heartbeat thundering in your ears.

She swallows slowly, like something is clogging her throat, and you can see her glancing back at the party you two left behind. You follow her line of sight and see her eyes stop at a specific table where Mr. Chambers, Mr. Konevi, Mr. Sinclaire and Prince Hamid are sitting. Her eyes linger on Prince Hamid before she turns around again, jaw now clenched.

"What?" She whispers, voice sounding strangely exhausted.

You take a moment to appreciate her soft but firm hand in yours, the heat radiating off her, and her scent that is wholly Annabelle Parsons. You focus on anything your senses say is related to her - in fear that you can never be this close to her again.

Then you say it, "You."

One word, a simple word that will change your life for better or for worse. You pray to your mother and your father that it won't be the latter.

She inhales sharply and it's taking everything in you not to squeeze her hand even more. You’re afraid she might rip it out of your grasp and stalk off. Instead, you squeeze your eyes shut, maybe if you won't see her disgusted face directed at you, it'll hurt less.

You know it won't, but you are such a child that you hope it will anyway.

To your surprise, however, she stays put. You don't dare hope for hope.

You can hear her trying to speak but failing several times. You don't know what that could possibly mean for you.

"Do you truly mean that?"

Your eyes snap open and you turn to her sharply, heart in your throat. You’re taken off guard by what you saw, however.

She’s already looking at you, her soft brown eyes shining in the moonlight. Not with disgust or hate, but with pure, naked hope. Her hand is trembling in your grasp and you can't help but think about how Annabelle Parsons is the most beautiful woman in the world and how you're irrevocably in love with her.

"Yes," You whisper back. You hope against hope that you did not just single-handedly ruin one of the most important relationship in your life.

A mix of a sob and a laugh leaves her mouth, her hand that isn't holding yours wipes at her eyes that are suspiciously damp. All the tension that gathered in her earlier seem to seep out of her. In their place is absolute, unadulterated happiness.

The hope you'd tried to bury in the depths of your heart springs up once again. You have to swallow it down to speak. "Do you...?"

Annabelle nods her head at your unfinished question, tears now steadily running down her face. Despite that, her brown eyes are alight with so much joy.

Your breath hitch as the full realization hits you. Your eyes fill with tears again, this time - out of happiness.

"Annabelle!" You rush to embrace and she does the same.

"Oh Clara!"

You rest your head on the crook of her neck, breathing her in. You try to let the gravity of the situation sink in, but you still can't wrap your mind around it. All of earlier somehow feels like a dream and you've only just woken up, grasping at the barest threads left to make sense of everything.

But you know deep in your bones that it was real. Because well, if it wasn't, you wouldn't be holding on to Annabelle like this now, would you?

"I love you," You whisper. the words make you feel lighter. Like an unbearable itch that finally went away or perhaps, like a muscle that was stretched for the first time after a long time.

She tightens her hold around you, running the pads of her thumb on the skin of your nape – as if making sure you're real, this is real.

"I love you too, " She smiles, then takes a step back. For one horrible and pain-stricken moment, panic seizes your heart at the movement.

Sensing your nervousness, she takes your hand and squeezes it in reassurance. You relax.

"Clara, may the night and the moon be my witnesses, I promise this to you," She intertwines your fingers together, holding them up. "I will love you until the very day my soul fades from this world."

She holds your hand to her lips and kisses every knuckle, "Until then, will you be with me?" She asks, her smile nervous.

You feel your own lips curl into a blinding smile, "I would be a fool to deny the woman that holds my heart in her palm anything."

She grins back, "Is that a yes, then?" You eye the balcony door and see a servant who's closing the curtains.

"A million," You pull her towards you and catch her lips in a passionate kiss. At the same moment, the servant finishes closing the last of the curtains that allowed sight into the balcony, curtains that allowed an audience to your and Annabelle’s love for each other.

After a minute, you reluctantly pull away. The curtains may have been closed momentarily, but it certainly wouldn't stop any curious guest from peeking out the windows. Nor does it stop any wandering servants on the estate grounds from seeing you two.

All that are promptly forgotten though, when a few seconds later, Annabelle takes your face in her hands and presses your lips together for the second time. When you get over your surprise, you wrap your arms around her waist and pull her even impossibly closer to you.

You kiss her back, just as passionately as her. She playfully bites on your lower lip, you gasp, allowing her tongue to slip inside your mouth.

You tighten your hold on her, it's all you can do to stop yourself from melting when her tongue dances with your own.

She’s the one to pull away first this time and you - unable to help yourself - steal a few more kisses from her sweet, soft lips. Although, maybe steal isn't the best word since she so generously complied with your requests.

She giggles as you peck her lips repeatedly, "You are insatiable!"

"Only for you, my dear 'Belle," You grin.

"Well, I would certainly hope so," She says, but the joking tone she's trying for isn't successful in masking the raw truth in her statement. She straightens up suddenly and avoids your gaze, still, you can see the plea in her eyes.

You blink, confused with her behaviour until a particular memory from earlier strikes you.

Annabelle’s eyes tracking the tables inside the room and stopping short on a table full of your most pleasant suitors. Her eyeing everyone from Mr. Sinclaire to Mr. Chambers. Then, her eyes narrowing when they land on Prince Hamid, your most forward – but kind – suitor yet.

The pieces form together in your mind and a surge of amused endearment flows through you.

"’Belle," You call out, delicately. "Were you perhaps jealous of a few gentlemen tonight?"

She turns back to you, eyes full of indignation. "No! Of course not! I was absolutely not jealous, I was simply... displeased at how they fling themselves at you at every occasion that arises." With every word, her voice loses volume. Her face is red and her eyes are wide, you stifle a laugh because it isn't every day that one could fluster Annabelle Parsons – a task she's usually the one to do – and you want to milk it for as long as you could.

"Right," You reply, amusement dripping off your tone.

She glares at you, which makes a burst of laughter escape your lips.

"Can you blame me?" She counters. "With how beautiful and talented you are, I fear it's only a matter of time before you pluck a handsome gentleman from your endless suitors and make him the luckiest man alive when you marry him."

Your heart breaks at the amount of sadness and conviction in Annabelle’s voice, as if she's absolutely sure you're going to do just that after you're done with her. Her use of present tense doesn't escape your notice.

You hate how defeated she looks, it doesn't fit her. Annabelle Parsons is a lot of things: strong, kind, intelligent. But, defeated isn't one of them.

"I’m not going to leave you," You declare, loud and true. "It pains me that you feel like that, Annabelle. I’m sorry for unintentionally inflicting that fear in you, it seems my acting is better than I expected. Perhaps I should consider a career in the opera if Edgewater doesn’t fall to me.”

"Acting?" She asks, still not looking at you directly.

You scoff, "Come now, you don't think I actually desire to be courted by men, do you? And in extension, by anyone who isn't you? I would soon rather tie boulders to my ankles and jump into the ocean than live to see the day I get married to some pompous brat who lacks the decorum and grace only you have."

She huffs out a tired breath, "I didn't want to get my hopes up. I didn't want to make a fool out of myself by thinking you feel the same way as I do. I didn't want to imagine what our future might be if you chose me, because then, it will give me hope. And hope is dangerous when you gamble for love."

You take her hands and squeeze them three times, "I choose you now, I chose you all those times before, and I will continue to choose you every day. We may be born in the wrong time, but that won't stop me." You wait until she finally looks at you in the eyes, before you say the next piece. "Because I’m in love with you, Annabelle."

Her eyes water and she lean in to kiss you deeply. When you part, she smiles at you with so much happiness it made you smile too, "I’m in love with you too, Clara."

Your heart soars at that. You rest your forehead against her and sigh in contentment.

Truthfully, you have no idea what comes next for the two of you. If anyone caught wind of the nature of your relationship, both of your names and reputations would be destroyed. Not to mention, your already flimsy hold of the Edgewater estate would be taken from you. You don't even know where to begin in finding a suitor who's willing to overlook your unusual preferences in romance. Travelling down this route would be equal to setting yourself on fire – it would only get harder and harder each day. There would be no getting better for the two of you in this path.

But, if it would mean you get to hold Annabelle close like this, then you're willing to do everything it takes – even go to hell and back.

If there's something you learned from your parent's tragedy, it's that you never give up on love. It may be reckless and others may call it stupidity, but you have to stand by the person you love. Because that's just simply how one loves.

You won't be your father, you will learn from his mistakes and hold on to Annabelle. Happiness skipped your parents' lives, you’ll make sure it doesn’t skip yours.

**Author's Note:**

> this is intentionally dramatic and drawn out. i like the way people speak in plays and movies set in 1800's so i used as much adverbs as i can to make this more pompous and dramatic. i'm trashy what can i say? also if i had a dollar every time i used the words 'you' and 'and', i'd probably know more about annabelle's life because i could actually pay for diamonds and keys to use in the game. and yes, 'belle' is her nickname. i'm binge watching emma watson's movies again.
> 
> thanks for reading for this! i hope you enjoy it :)) let's be friends on tumblr!


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